An Ultimatum

You may have noticed a slight lapse in my blogging. A lapse which coincidentally coincides with . . . the beginning of school. As I feared, the days of restlessness before school started are beginning to look very attractive.

It may come as no surprise that the toughest part of grad school is not the quizzes and tests themselves (or the readings, reports, article reviews, observations, therapy sessions, meetings, etc. . . .), but the process of figuring out how to maintain some semblance of balance in my life. When I get home from class and know that I only have a few short hours to eat, sleep, study, and plan before I have to return, I start to feel overwhelmed.

During my Research Methods class this week, I realized how this question of priorities and a seemingly impossible set of demands on our time and mental health is beginning to weigh on each of my classmates. In a review of experimental design, our professor asked us to come up with hypothetical experiments complete with independent and dependent variables. There was a definite theme in the suggestions:

How do the number hours of slept affect test performance?
How does frequency of exercise affect weight?
How do the number of books required per semester affect my bank account?
How do the number of classes required affect student stress level?

As my classmates shared examples, I could hear the question, "Will I be dumb, fat, broke, or insane by the end of the semester? Or some dreadful combination thereof?" Grad school makes a pretty convincing argument that you that you cannot possibly learn and maintain your bank account, health, and sanity.

With therapy starting next week, my stress level has definitely been going up. The past two nights, I have felt wired. I have stayed up too late and popped up earlier in the morning than I intended because my mind has been constantly going over my ever-increasing to-do list. But I realize that sometimes I will need to take time out - even when I'm not completely caught up. Because I need time to process, to pray, to sleep, and to take care of myself, or I will not make it through the semester.

So that's what I'm doing tonight. Processing. And asking for prayers.

And now I will go to sleep! Without even cracking a textbook. And believe me, I am tempted. Tomorrow I'm going to church with a girl from class, which should also help me regain some perspective :)