Whenever I move, ideas start popping into my head about ways that I can start anew in a new locale. Shed habits I don't like, change things about myself.
I will exercise more, I'll eat better, I'll be more outgoing. I'll pray more. I'll be more organized. I won't get lost. I won't lose things.
And while no matter how I scheme, the me that I can't help being always shows up (like when my first solo trip to the beach was almost ruined when I dropped my apartment keys somewhere in the sand. I'm still beaming thank yous to whichever benevolent stranger turned them in to the lifeguard office.)
But I'm realizing that doesn't mean that change isn't happening, that I'm not growing. But the growth doesn't happen in the transition; it happens in the day in and day out of living in a place. I can look back at each community I've joined, and see the ways I've grown as I've been privileged to know and be known. To get to know people, souls, to understand a little bit of who they are, what struggles they face, what battles they have won, and those they continue to fight. Sharing the benefits of their victories and the encouragement that comes from living this crazy life together.
I love new leaves! The opportunity to start over is so cathartic. Plus, I like being shaken out of my complacency. Seeing new sights, meeting new people - such a mind-expanding experience. I am more than a little envious of you. All the same, I know it is bit challenging to be in a completely different environment without underpinnings. You will flourish as you uncover the path that has been prepared for you.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, don't try to reform too much - we love the you that you are!